I've been working so much that I wake myself up with bartender talk..."five red snappers" and "what are these?" and "what can I get ya." It then takes me a second or two to realize I'm actually in bed. Jeez...I can't wait til my day off. (note: the lack of 's' behind day)

I was just flipping through "A Literate Passion: Letters of Anais Nin and Henry Miller" Which I haven't quite finished yet. I found a passage that I underlined, which I just love and seems now more than ever to pertain to my life and state of mind. I'm not sure if I've brought this passage up before, but here goes...
Anais is saying to Henry

"It is true I create over and over again the same difficulties for myself in order to struggle over and over again to master them.......here *Allendy would answer: to continually struggle against the same problem and continually fail to dominate it brings a feeling of frustration and a kind of paralysis. What is necessary to life, to livingness, is to move on, in other words to move from one kind of problem to another.....The neurotic is obsessed woth one kind of problem. He cannot move on. Certainly there must be a great exultation to move on, not towards a stupid happiness (don't worry, that will never come to us) but towards other difficulties. The effect would be somewhat like that of travelling, of encountering new experiences, of expanding, whereas in the long run the effect of the persistent obsession with the old problem might be one of defeat, discouragement (not to speak of suicide etc.)"

*A psychotherapist she knew.

There are certain parts of my life where I need desperately to move on, but have been and am in that state of paralysis and I do feel defeated. I don't know how to move on in one area, but I do know some ways I can change. The change is scary and that's where my paralysis comes in. I'm going to work on it.